Episode 111 Summary
- We would like to remind all of our listeners just how innately worthy and lovable you all are - Not because of anything you have done or a goal you have reached, you are worthy just for being humans. Baby Max is an innately worthy and lovable baby, who is worthy of good health and love and all the things that we want for humans, just by being him, just by being alive. He reminds us that we are all enough, just as we are.
- At Real Life Medicine compassion and self compassion are some of our important foundations of good health - In momentum, our monthly membership, we have just been doing a beautiful challenge where we have been learning to understand where judgement comes from. Our momentum ladies have been using the tool of self compassion as a really powerful lever to help with behavioural change.
- Many of us use criticism as a lever to try to create change - People believe that if we criticise ourselves enough, we will change. But in fact, there's plenty of evidence to suggest not only is that not true, but it's actually counterproductive. As we say, you cannot hate yourself thin or berate yourself well
- Self love and self acceptance do not mean that you accept ill health, or whatever it is that you're dissatisfied with your health or in your life at the moment - You can accept yourself as being enough as you are right now, in this moment, and also strive towards your health goals, knowing that you are worthy of achieving them. You are allowed to want these things. You're allowed to want to change and you can change.
- Be aware that having a transactional relationship with lifestyle changes can be unhelpful - If your brain says, “I'm doing this thing that is considered pretty hard, but I'm prepared to do it, because there will be a reward at the end”, and the reward in your head is a lower number on the scales, then this is a surefire path to what people would term as failure. It may feel hard to break free of this pattern due to conditioning but there is hope! We can really change.
- Real lasting change comes from changing your identity - We are inspired by James Clear’s wonderful book, Atomic Habits. He teaches about layers of change and the deepest most lasting change comes with changing your identity.
- To change your identity, choose who you want to be and then you change your behaviour - Each day you prove to yourself that you are that person. You prove day by day that you are who you believe that you are. And it starts with deciding who you want to be.
- Processed food and sugar, steal your joy of real food - Christmas is a beautiful opportunity to eat real food. There's plenty of real food available. Be mindful that there are big food companies out there trying to sell you their product. Their goal is not to help you or to make your Christmas special. Their goal is to sell you their product. That's it. Look at things through that lens, and helpful choices may become easier.
Real Life Medicine has a fantastic little “Advent Calendar” that you can buy for yourself this Christmas! It’s the Santa’s Little Helper Program
You don't need to worry about going silly over the Silly Season.
⭐️ We will show you that you can still have fun and stay on plan.
⭐️ We will show you how to deal with pushy relatives.
⭐️ We will give you recipes, hypnosis sessions, a Christmas Day meal planning template, and all sorts of other goodies to keep you on track!
It's like having Dr Mary and Dr Lucy in your pocket this December!
Community with others who share similar goals can be incredibly important as we establish our new identities.
Our Inner Circle Momentum Program is a monthly subscription program with a community of the most wonderful women.
To join Momentum You can pay by the month or pay annually
These are the inclusions -
- The Digital Program - The Doctor's Complete Guide to Low Carb Living ($147 value)
- The Digital Program - The Complete Guide to Low Carb Cooking ($197 value)
- A Welcome Pack delivered to your door ($200 value)
- Monthly Challenge Pack ($200 value)
- Email Access to Medical Doctors (Priceless)
- A Monthly Mantra ($50 value)
- A Monthly Downloadable Hypnosis ($100 value)
- A Private Facebook Group (Priceless)
- A Zoom Coaching Call Twice a Month on the Challenge with Dr Lucy or Dr Mary ($400 value)
- An Extra Monthly Zoom Huddle Meeting to connect with all the members (Priceless)
- An Accountability Team (Priceless)
- Free Access to the 12 Week Mind Body Rebalance Program, which is run 3 times per year (including weekly coaching) ($2,400 value)
- 1 Ticket to the Low Carb Ladies Long Lunch ($197 value)
Bonus offers for purchase before Dec 1:
- Santa’s Little Helper - our digital advent calendar to keep you on track ($97 value)
- Doctors Masterclass Series - A 4 part masterclass by Dr Lucy Burns with topics including Sugar addiction, How to read nutritional panels, Weight Gain and Menopause Understanding cholesterol) (Value $297)
Annual members get 2 months for free, a private 30 minute coaching call and a bonus Christmas present.
Learn more about our Momentum Inner Circle today!
Show notes:
Episode 111 - Can I still have fun at Christmas?
Dr Mary Barson: (0:11) Hello, my lovely listeners. I'm Dr. Mary Barson.
Dr Lucy Burns: (0:15) And I'm Dr. Lucy Burns. Welcome to this episode of Real Health and Weight Loss.
Dr Mary Barson: (0:23) Hello, lovely listeners, Dr. Mary here with you. I do love being back here in my podcasting seat. And I am joined by my fabulous friend and colleague, Dr. Lucy. Hello, lovely.
Dr Lucy Burns: (0:39) Hello, lovely Mary, how are you? It is great to have you back. I have missed chatting with you on the podcast for the last few months. So I'm sure that you know, everybody is pleased to hear your beautiful voice.
Dr Mary Barson: (0:53) Ah, thank you. Yes, I'm good. I'm enjoying Summer. And one thing in particular I noticed today is my little baby is in short sleeves for the first time and it's just kind of funny seeing his little pudgy arms and pudgy legs hanging out of his clothes because as a winter baby, that hasn't happened before.
Dr Lucy Burns: (1:15) I know it is. It's amazing all the seasons. And I remember when my little bubbas were born, I would get some very cute little outfits. But occasionally their outfit didn't match. Like, they weren't the right size during the right season.
Dr Mary Barson: (1:32) It's so short, the little baby period. So yes…
Dr Lucy Burns: (1:35) I know! And phenomenal. Phenomenal that, you know, again, I'm often just amazed at human physiology and what you know what humans do and how they grow. And you'll be seeing all of this every day.
Dr Mary Barson: (1:47) It is very, very fun. It is fun. One thing that I am struck with every day is just how innately worthy and lovable we all are just by being humans and having an innately worthy and lovable baby, who is worthy of good health and love and all the things that we want for humans. Just by being him, just by being alive, he is enough. Just as he is. It reminds me that we are all enough, just as we are.
Dr Lucy Burns: (2:16) Absolutely, absolutely. And I mean, I think hopefully, our listeners know that certainly, compassion and self compassion are one of the foundations of good health. And interestingly, we have just been doing this in momentum, which is our monthly membership. A beautiful challenge on understanding where judgement comes from. And, you know, using that tool of self compassion as a really powerful lever to help with behavioural change. Because for most of us, the lever that we use is criticism. If we criticise ourselves enough, we will change. But in fact, there's plenty of evidence to suggest not only is that not true, but it's actually counterproductive.
Dr Mary Barson: (3:05) It is you cannot hate yourself thin or berate yourself well.
Dr Lucy Burns: (3:13) Absolutely. And you know, just while we're chatting, I think that the support that, you know, our beautiful women have in momentum is really one of the cornerstones of, again, long term change for people that have had, you know, weight related issues or diet related messaging for their whole lives. Because you and I have both been in that spot of diet culture. You get stuck in the stories - that we touched on briefly last week - with perfectionism and all of the things that unless a light is shone on them, you don't even realise they're there. You know, stories that you don't even notice, because they're just so engrained. They're just in the background, a bit like when the air conditioner’s on over summer, you don't even notice it until someone reminds you that it's there. And then it becomes so obvious.
Dr Mary Barson: (4:14) Yes. This brings us to what we're chatting about today, which is that true change, true change is a change in your identity. And to understand who you are, to love and like who you are anyway, because just like a pudgy little baby with, you know, gorgeous little thigh rolls, you are innately worthy. You're innately worthy of kindness, compassion, self love and good health.
Dr Lucy Burns: (4:48) Absolutely. And it's interesting because sometimes people think, Oh, well, you know, self acceptance, which is incredibly powerful, but self acceptance means that you don't need or want to change. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to change something about what you're doing, or some bit of your health or something like that. You know, as humans, we were often striving for change, there's always bits of us that we would like to change. Do we want to change them because we hate what they are? Or do we want to change them because we want to just feel better about who we are?
Dr Mary Barson: (5:31) Yes! Self love and self acceptance doesn't mean that you accept that this, whatever you've got now, whatever state of ill health, whatever it is that you're dissatisfied with your health, your life at the moment, you just have to accept that it's never going to change and wallow in that. Absolutely not. You can accept yourself as being enough as you are right now, in this moment, and also strive towards your health goals, knowing that you are worthy of achieving them. That you are allowed to want these things. You're allowed to want to change and that you can change.
Dr Lucy Burns: (6:11) Absolutely, absolutely. And, you know, we talk a lot about the scales, because we know for many people, the scales are a double edged sword. Yes, they can track progress, but they can also absolutely derail you if you have, one of the things we call this is a transactional relationship. So if you have a transactional relationship with what you're doing, and what I mean by that is, if your brain says, “I'm doing this thing that is considered pretty hard, but I'm prepared to do it, because there will be a reward at the end”, and the reward in your head is a lower number on the scales, then, look, it's hard to undo because of our conditioning, but it is also a surefire path to what people would term as failure.
Dr Mary Barson: (7:03) We both have lived experience. And I could share a little piece of my own transformation here. I used to have a serious issue with ice cream. So, I've got insulin resistance, polycystic ovarian syndrome, I used to be obese. I've struggled with this my whole life. And previously, when I would go about trying to lose weight, or you know, claw back some health, I would be completely outcome focused, I'd be like, “I want to lose weight”, or “Doctors are telling me I have to lose weight, I've got to do this”. So I'd be focused on the outcome. And then I would change my behaviour. I would stop eating ice cream, I would slog myself at the gym, I would calorie restrict, I would do, actual behaviours that aren't that helpful, more on than that later. But I would do things that would just get me towards the outcome that I wanted. That was weight loss. But it was hard. You know, I was Mary who loves ice cream. And I'm not eating the ice cream because I need to get this. Whereas over my journey, I've learned how to heal my physiology with low carb real food - incredibly important. And I have learned how to manage my psychology and through that process, I changed my identity. So I am not Mary who loves ice cream, but just can't eat the ice cream because I need to lose the weight. And it's not fair. And I want the ice cream. I'm not that person anymore. My identity has changed. I am Mary and I eat low carb real food and I nourish my body with delicious low carb real food. This is what I do. And it is not hard to stay this way. Because this is who I am. I've changed my identity.
Dr Lucy Burns: (8:53) Absolutely, absolutely. And I think you know, lots of people can relate to that. I was exactly the same. You know, I was a sweet tooth. So I would say that over and over. I'm a sweet tooth. I'm a lollytarian, you know, and even, I’m a chocolate addict. That was just who I was. It was set at the time in jest. But how little did I know how true it actually was. But it's interesting, Mares. So we talk quite a bit about identity change. And you know, that doesn't happen overnight. But James Clear has a really great strategy and I'd love you to share that with our listeners.
Dr Mary Barson: (9:33) Yeah, so he's a clever, clever guy who wrote the book. Atomic Habits.
Dr Lucy Burns: (9:37) Yeah.
Dr Mary Barson: (9:38) Yeah, I love that book. It's wonderful. So one of his beautiful ideas is talking about the layers of change. And that first layer is what most of us would sort of start with where we want to change. We're gonna change the outcome. So we're focused on the outcome here, maybe lose weight, or you know, get our blood sugar down. And that's not a very sustainable level. The next level is, you change your process, you change your behaviours. So yes, okay, you're changing your behaviours, you're not eating the ice cream to get the outcome that you want. That makes sense. But actually the deepest layer is changing your identity. And how you get there. You don't just decide, right? “I am now no longer Mary, who loves to eat ice cream, I am now Mary who doesn't love to eat ice cream! And this is how my identity has completely changed.” It doesn't change immediately. It really doesn't. How you change your behaviour is an incremental process that takes a bit of time and what you do is you decide who you want to be? You decide, you know, who am I? Who do I want to be? And then you change your behaviour. Each day, you prove to yourself that you are that person. You prove day by day that you are who you believe that you are. And it starts with deciding that you want to be.
Dr Lucy Burns: (11:00) It’s interesting, isn't it. And I mean, we talk sometimes about people, and I'll use the vegetarian analogy. And many of you know, I have two daughters who are vegetarian. I wish they weren't, but they are, they are. And again, it's not my place to change their identities. Their identity has come about because of their belief around eating meat and animal welfare. So that's totally up to them. But their identity is that they're vegetarian, which means that at Christmas time, they're not there going, “Gee, I wish I could eat ham!” They're vegetarian, they don't go travelling, you know, and hop on a plane and think, “Oh, goody, now I can eat whatever meat meal there is!” It’s really this idea that they have completely changed everything about themselves in relation to that, that part of it. They're not looking for reasons not to be that person.
Dr Mary Barson: (11:59) Changing your beliefs is possibly a lot easier than people realise. It doesn't take long for us to have those small little daily wins that reinforce to us this self belief. So my belief is that look, I nourish my body, I heal my body. I am a person who eats low carb real food. That's my belief. And it didn't take long for me to be able to change that belief. And now it's easy, because I have this belief. I am not fighting the urge to eat ice cream day in and day out. I'm just not. I've managed to find a way for sustained success with my health easily.
Dr Lucy Burns: (12:44) By changing who you are, rather than, you know, Mary the ice cream addict. You're Mary the real food addict?
Dr Mary Barson: (12:51) Totally.
Dr Lucy Burns: (12:52) I know and I am the same. I am very, you know, people go oh you’re a bit obsessed. No, it's just who I am. And maybe I am, maybe I'm obsessed with real food. Why wouldn't I be? It's bloody delicious. It's helpful, it's nutritious. It has revolutionised my life in that I am no longer a slave to sugary food. One of the other things I always love is that idea that processed food or sugary food, chocolate, any of those foods, they steal your joy of real food. Again, Christmas is a beautiful opportunity to eat real food, there's plenty of real food available. And, you know, just being mindful that there may be big food companies out there trying to sell you their product. Remember, that's their goal, their goal is not to help you or to make your Christmas special. Their goal is to sell you their product. That's it. And when you look at things through that sort of a lens, it does become easier.
Dr Mary Barson: (13:59) Yes it does. It is easier though, with support and help.
Dr Lucy Burns: (14:07) Absolutely. And part of the reason is because there are people who will disagree with what you're doing. And they'll say, “Ah, but you've got to live. You know, it's Christmas. It's just one time of the year”. So it can be hard sometimes when you feel like you're the only cork bobbing in a sea of naysayers.
Dr Mary Barson: (14:30) Definitely. Having some community really helps. That was extremely helpful for my transformation, especially initially, having some like-minded people that I just reached out to and found that in a low carb doctor community also in my gym community. People who are doing it with me, who could reinforce the stories and help me help me reinforce the stories that allowed me to really gently and powerfully change my identity
Dr Lucy Burns: (15:00) Absolutely. Now one of the things I would love to just add in here, and this is something that I've seen over the last 25 years. Longer actually, is the advent calendar. So when I was growing up, we had an advent calendar, it was very exciting. My three brothers and I, when we were little, would take turns opening the windows, but the windows, they had just pictures behind them, there was a little picture. And it would be some sort of, you know, a Christmas motif. Now it may have been, you know, and again, they were northern hemisphere related usually, so there were Christmas, you know, snowman and, and maybe a picture of some holly and, you know, the big excitement was on Christmas Eve, it was a double sized window, which always had a nativity scene. Every year even though we knew we would still get so excited about it. But of course, the advent calendar has been hijacked somewhat, and is now entirely around. Well, not entirely, we were just talking off air and there is some sort of sock advent calendar where you must be enormous because every window has a pair of socks. So if you need 24 pairs of socks, you could buy that one. But we have recognised that the advent calendar is now full of processed food, or even plastic junk toys for people that aren't doing processed food. But over the last couple of years, we've invented our own advent calendar, haven’t we Mares! We have! So we created a little program which is an advent calendar if you like, a digital advent calendar and it is called Santa’s Little Helper. And what we love about it is it is embracing this concept that James Clear says of, you know, choosing your identity and doing small steps towards it. So every day during the advent calendar, which does go on beyond Christmas, because we wanted to make it sort of the December calendar. And there is a little something for you that will reinforce your identity as a low carbitarian.
Dr Mary Barson: (17:13) That's right. And give you invaluable tools and insights to stay on track over Christmas and New Year.
Dr Lucy Burns: (17:22) Absolutely. And we did have fun making it. There are a fair few Santa hats involved in the videos. There's a tiny bit of poetry reading even. So it is really about busting through that myth that eating your way does not make you a party pooper.
Dr Mary Barson: (17:43) It's totally possible to have lots of fun, and still maintain your identity as a healthy low carb person who nourishes their body with real good food and can totally get their party on.
Dr Lucy Burns: (17:56) Absolutely, absolutely. So you know, again, just to, I guess, let people know we have got a number of recipe books that you get as part of it, including and again, not that, you know, you're the boss of you, so you get to decide. But if you were looking for cocktails over Christmas, you know, you can go down the path of the very high sugar, very high carb cocktails. Or you can download the eBook that comes with Santa's Little Helper that gives you a whole collection of low carb cocktails.
Dr Mary Barson: (18:28) Yes, has the fantastic Party Platter recipe book and the wonderful Christmas recipe book as well. We do hypnotherapies which are really helpful and give you all kinds of useful tools.
Dr Lucy Burns: (18:42) Yeah, even some strategies on what to say to the people, the food bullies as we call them, the ones that are “Come on, you've got to live it's Christmas. It's only once a year”, who are already playing into that scarcity mindset. Lots and lots of tools recognising of course my lovelies that you are a low carbitarian and that just because it's Christmas doesn't mean your all terrain vehicle has to go off path into the wild wild west never to come back.
Dr Mary Barson: (19:11) That's right.
Dr Lucy Burns: (19:14) All right, gorgeous ones. I'm actually about to go and put up our Christmas tree because today is, we always get our Christmas tree on the first weekend of December but we're a little bit early this year, mainly because on the weekend we just happen to drive past and there was a Christmas tree stall and so we just went right opportunistic and so it's been up but it's not decorated. So that's what we're doing today.
Dr Mary Barson: (19:37) My daughter would be very jealous. She's been nagging me for quite some time to get onto that, so yes, I should I better.
Dr Lucy Burns: (19:45) Probably since June.
Dr Mary Barson: (19:45) Yeah probably!
Dr Lucy Burns: (19:48) Alright beautiful people, have the most wonderful time. Oh, I forgot to give you the link. If you're looking for Santa’s Little Helper you can go to our website which is of course, https://www.rlmedicine.com/santa . The advent calendar is $97 . It is a total bargain. Way cheaper than the sock calendar - just saying - and certainly better for your health than a chocolate calendar, but, you know, again, lots and lots of valuable information to keep you on track. So just that website again, https://www.rlmedicine.com/santa. Take good care, beautiful people.
Dr Mary Barson: (20:27) Bye bye everyone.
Dr Lucy Burns: (20:34) So my lovely listeners that ends this episode of Real Health and Weight loss. I'm Dr. Lucy Burns.
Dr Mary Barson: (20:42) And I'm Dr. Mary Barson. We are from Real Life Medicine. To contact us, please visit https://www.rlmedicine.com
Dr Lucy Burns: (20:53) And until next time, thanks for listening. The information shared on the Real Health and Weight Loss Podcast, including show notes and links provides general information only. It is not a substitute, nor is it intended to provide individualised medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, nor can it be construed as such. Please consult your doctor for any medical concerns.
